T-M-I from T-I-M

Zoe melts my heart

Last night Zoe told me about a friend of hers who had written a note to the tooth fairy and got a response.  So she decided to write a note and I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to write her back.

Her note:  "Dear Tooth Fairy, Can I have some fairy dust?  Your friend, Zoe"

I wrote:  "Dear Zoe, I sprinkled it on you last night.  Love, Tooth Fairy"

She looked at the note with such wonder and amazement it nearly brought me to tears.  Apparently a boy at camp the day before had told her that the tooth fairy wasn't real.

I was more than happy to keep her believing.  I told her that what she believes has nothing to do with what someone else believes.  As long as she believes she's real, the Tooth Fairy is real for her.

Needless to say, I will be deeply affected when she finds out the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, etc. but in the meantime I will bathe in the warmth of her sweet, innocent heart.

A clear business model is not always a fundable business model

Most every entrepreneur I meet struggles to crisply articulate their value proposition.  I solve that problem.

However, clarity of a  value proposition can be a double edged sword.  I was working with an entrepreneur last week, helping him get to the essence of his company.  When we did I realized that it would not get funding.

I told him candidly that it would be very difficult to get this funded, even in the best of economic environments (not an easy convo to have).  I know the whole Google argument about how people would have turned that down.

But for every esoteric (at that time) idea of differentiation like Google, there are 100's maybe even 1000's of companies that have a business model that won't and shouldn't get funded (like the one I'm referring to).  My best advice to the entrepreneurs in that situation is to keep the idea going perhaps as a side business (or shut it down) and move on to their next big idea.

End Hopeless Relationships

I read this simple and powerful statement today and it feels worth sharing.  When I first heard it sounded like "giving up".  It also brought up some painful memories where people I've known in life may have done that with me. 

Yes, it's not hard to see that I'm hard on myself.

But looking at it more closely, it has some real merit.  At the Junto a few months ago, we talked about the idea of firing a friend.  I think the step before that is figuring out that the relationship is hopeless.

The clarity of this statement rang right through my soul as I considered a few relationships in my life right now that are hopeless.  (One of which has already ended.)

My definition of hopeless is that it continually brings negativity and conflict in my life in one way or another regardless of how skilled I am inside of the relationship.  It's about getting MY needs met in a relationship on a far more regular basis than.....rarely or never.

I understand that loving kindness is important but inner peace trumps that.  But it's always the question of when I should end it.

It gets trickier when it involves family (a brother or sister for example). 

I can also see where this approach would be almost impossible, with my daughter.  It's nowhere near hopeless but what would I do if at some point in the future it felt like it was? 

Looking for a smile?

A friend passed this onto me today and I think it rocks!!!

http://www.eightprinciples.com/

Problem solvers can suck

I realize that when I'm in a conversation with a friend who is in pain or struggling that more often than not I will start talking solutions with him or her.  Today I learned why I do so often.

I'm a dude.  Not that chicks don't do it to, but a dude is far more likely to want to fix.  Honestly, how many men in your life can sit with pain and emotions, etc.?  But that one's too easy.

I have difficulty just being with pain or struggle.  And in order to "not" solve the problem, I have to be willing to sit with my friend's or even more challenging at times my daughter's pain.

When I was younger, I actually gravitated towards solutions oriented people in my life.  Let's not dwell, let's fix.  And when we fix, we may or much more likely may not go back to how you were feeling. 

These days I'm often turned off when someone becomes immediately, and sometimes relentlessly, solutions oriented with me.  At the same time, at some point I have to start thinking about solutions.  What is that point?  Not knowing that point makes it hard for me to talk about deep emotional issues with even the closest of my friends.

I am close enough to my emotions now to know that, in essence, sometimes problem solvers can suck.  And unfortunately, I can be one of them.  I think that when I learn when to be a solver and when to be a listener I'll offer even more love to the people who mean most to me.  And allow them to do the same.

Why the human being is screwed long term unless.....

I was thinking long and hard about the survival of our humanity.  And it occurred to me that in order to survive, I argue that we should forget about trying to change to many adults.  Focus on building a new mindset in children and let that be the governance.

They do have their disputes (not all that often unless bro/sis).  Ask a group of kids to make up a game with a ball, any game, they'll be playing 2 hours before the adults have come up with the win win situation in Chapter IV of the bargaining.

There's one big hole in the theory.  Who teaches them?  Who is free of the racism the violence the crime? It would of course also be important that the economic system should sustain.

Fact is, I bet they could do it a whole lot quicker and we'd be happier.

Loving myself

I was at a meeting the other day of 20 or so professionals talking about friendship.  The conversation was interesting at times, confusing at others.

At one point, someone asked "Who doesn't love themselves?".  My hand shot almost unconsciously, then I noticed that mine was the only hand up.

Apparently I was seated with 19 people who loved themselves.  Does that seem possible?  I suppose everyone has a different definition of love so maybe they do love themselves by their standards.  But from what I heard during the conversation there were plenty of people who had things they didn't like about themselves.

I think I'm a bit of a dreamer because if I loved myself I would fly around the world in a bubble like Glinda the Good Witch of the North.  I'm also not even quite sure that if I loved myself I would know it.  I just know when I don't.

Maybe someday I won't be so aware that I don't then I will....

Outsourcing is killing the economy

I was thinking the other day about how, in these awful economic times, outsourcing is affecting the economy.  I'm not referring to manufacturing because frankly if the defect rate & cost is lower and the time to market is not significantly impacted, that decision is a no brainer.

I'm referring to the companies who have chosen to outsource, for example, their call centers.  The benefits of cost and 24/7 availability is clear.  However level of service and revenue generation are at most worse than the US, in most cases putrid. 

But the killer is that hundreds of thousands of jobs that would normally pay between $10-20 are gone.  I think those types of jobs are the ones that provide the foundation for our economy.  Those jobs are fuel for car purchases, mortgage payments, etc.

The # of jobs that it would bring back are not equal to what's been outsourced, but there is an opportunity to monetize the move.

I worked at a company where our head of sales (who is an absolute superstar) had a wild proposition:

• Provide world class service looking out for the best interests of the customer first (i.e., don't "jam" offers down their throats)
• The revenue will follow

He was right.  He's done on a smaller scale and a huge scale.  It can be done but most companies don't do it or worse don't even believe it can be done.

In the meantime, our economy keeps sucking wind and when it comes back, we still won't have the valuable foundation that these types of jobs provide.

How to dance to rap music

I wrote this scintillating value added article for ehow like 6 years ago and think it's funny and worth posting on my blog!

The key to dancing to rap and hip hop is to realize that most every song tells a story. An easy way to get over the shyness is to act the story out and have fun.

Steps

1. Start out by going to the clubs and trying to catch the names of the songs you like best. Go to the DJ and ask; it's a compliment, and he or she will more often than not be happy to tell you. If it's too loud and you don't get it by the second time, don't sweat it, you're almost certain to hear it again.
2. Download the song or get it in the store.
3. After listening to it, go online and get the lyrics to the song. Then you learn the lyrics and get the story. Rap music (particularly hip hop as opposed to rap) almost always has an infectious beat so it's cool to dance to. You'll feel it when you listen to what they say (even if it's old territory like braggin' on themselves). LL Cool J hasn't said all that much different from his first album, but Headsprung rocks, and knowing the lyrics helps.
4. Listen to the song often (while you run, while you clean the house, in the car, over and over). The beat will start to take you over.
5. Go to the club and start by checking out the basic moves people do, they are often good bridges. However, very few people let loose and those who do usually get tons of compliments. But don't do it to get the compliments or even to pick up women necessarily. Instead, dance because it's the ultimate way for you to feel the message and the music.
6. Go by yourself or go with a friend you really feel comfortable with that you don't have to hang out with the whole night. Hit the floor and dance while you spit as many of the lyrics as you can and act out the lyrics. (Like when Outkast says "drip drip drop, there goes an ear-gasm", you can lean your head to the side like you're trying to get water out of your ear. Or when T.I. says "Bring 'Em Out", put both hands in the air and wave 'em on.) Go by yourself because rap has this unusual ability to make groups of dancers (guys in particular) become really peacock-ish and aggressive. It's so unfortunate, because dancing to rap and hip hop is just about having fun. You should be able to dance comfortably with dudes far tougher than you, because you are all just doing your thing.
7. Keep it real. Don't pretend you're something you're not. The very best rap and hip hop is that because it's real. You don't have to be hard to dance to rap well.

Tips

• It's not a competition or even a way to send "messages". Even if someone else sees it that way, let it go. Rap and hip hop are totally ruined by clubbers who turn the scene into fights and confrontations. People who hate and become very aggressive miss the point. Just because TI raps about two guns drew and you and your friends go a little two on two, it doesn't mean you should fight. Have fun and draw two guns with your fingers and then change your fingers into two for peace or something like that.
• Just ignore the haters. Move to the other side of the club or whatever. It is totally unnecessary to hate and it is a sure fire way to ruin everyone's night letting our insecurities and fear ruin a good night out.

Warnings

• Don't assume. It can be enlightening to experience how dancing can open up cool relationships with folks you might never have talked to before. Assumptions create divisions; a smile (even to a dude) breaks down a lot of barriers.
• If a fight starts, and you're not involved (it doesn't happen much) stay out. Go somewhere safe, don't clown around like it's "cool" that you're not in the fight. Let the bouncers handle it, they are, generally speaking, really adept at doing so and really are there for your safety.

My Article on Soulscode on Spirituality

A friend of mine works with a company called soulscode which shares writing and ideas on spirituality.  She asked me to contribute, which I did, writing about the confusing and almost silly language of spirituality.

It was a blast to write.  Check it out here